Reflecting

I've been reflecting a lot lately. Although three months still remain of my exchange, I can't help but feel that things are coming to a close (this is probably due to the fact that school will soon be ending). The following is more of what I would write in my journal, but I thought I'd share it with you anyways. My thoughts are scattered, but somewhat followable. Let's see how this goes. . .

I've been on exchange for about 7 months now, and I know that my mind set has changed. I think in new ways than I did before, I find inspiration in new things, and I've come to appreciate new things. Exchange is pretty cool because when you go to a different country where no one knows your name, you can be anyone you want to be with out any expectations. Furthermore, you must make your own decisions and form your own opinions in your host country. As cheesy as it may sound, I've learned so much about myself. I have a new realization of my flaws and strengths; what I admire in people, as well as what bothers me in people; and what I enjoy to do.

My dependence has shifted from myself and others around me, to God. I've been stretched thin and I've experienced such dark loneliness at times, but He's always been there and His unfailing love continues to amaze me every day. Different parts of my mind that have't been used since infancy are being exercised to learn Spanish, while other parts of my brain that are used to examine science, math, etc. are dulling, from a lack of use -- go figure.

I've realized how much I do enjoy having purpose and responsibility. God has given me purpose for my life, even if I'm unsure of it sometimes. I like it when people ask and expect me to successfully do a task. I like it when people return the respect that I try to give them. I don't like to be alone. Everyone always lists food and shelter as necessities, but family and friends are just as essential in my life. Also, who I am with is more important than where I am. I would rather sit in my bedroom, surrounded by friends for hours, than be in New York City or London and be surrounded by strangers.

There are nice, mean, funny, obnoxious, rude, lovely, intriguing, stuck-up, honest, strange, and worried people no matter where you are in the world. In the end, it turns out that we're all not that different from each other. There will always be cultural differences, but we're all human -- we have the same necessities that drive our emotions, thoughts and actions.

In conclusion, I saw this on Facebook today, and although I don't feel exactly the same way, it's relatable.

"How bittersweet it is to think about returning home. Life is going to get started again, but my Spanish life is also going to be put on hold until I can return. So much has happened this year, and there are so many things I have yet to do. Everything is becoming real again, and the sadder things from home are starting to really sink in. I am not too sure I am ready to face real life yet."  --Clayton, Exchange student from Canada to Spain 2011-2012

I'm excited to face "real life" again. I've learned so much here, but sometimes exchange doesn't really feel like living. It's like when you go to a summer camp and it's amazing but you know inside that it isn't real life and that you have to go back home to reality soon. I'm excited to come back home with the new knowledge and experiences I've attained, and to jump into life again. At the same time, I feel like I'm starting to belong here more and more often. I have another life here that will be waiting for my return, but I don't know when that will be. I have amazing friends and family here who I don't know when I'll be able to see again, but they'll be here waiting. I've been so blessed to encounter so many great people here, and for them, I know I'll have to return. Exchange kind of breaks your heart and puts it in two places of the world.

With that being said, I should probably eat dinner and go to sleep.