Was there a knock at the door?

Summer seems to be winding down but my emotions continue to grow. People always ask me, "Are you excited for Spain?" and I usually reply a bit too excitedly that Yes, I am. Then the same follow-up question is raised every time: "Are you scared/nervous?" Again, of course I am! However, as I know my departure is coming sooner and sooner everyday, I am becoming much more nervous. I feel mentally exhausted all the time. I am afraid of becoming homesick, of speaking an unfamiliar language, and of meeting so many new people. I imagine hectic airports, confusing buses, and my laptop exploding because I have the wrong electricity adapter. I imagine Reality as some kind of daunting figure, knocking on my door and then walking in saying, "Just thought I'd let you know I've arrived! Sorry if I scared away the rainbows and butterflies!" All these things and more bombard my mind, and at the end of the day I either 1. cannot fall asleep because my mind is racing about what is to come in Spain, or 2. sleep like a rock because I am so tired of thinking about it all.

Please bear with with me here, because as to every other story, there is a bright side to this one. Even as I become more nervous, I remain incredibly, if not more, excited for the upcoming year. I think of speaking Spanish with new friends, of walking along the Mediterranean, and of hey, who knows, maybe even playing a game of soccer (fútbol, if you will) or two. I want to be surrounded with people of passion, see the architecture and history of Spain, and of course, have some good food along the way!

At this point, I just want to get there already. I have three friends who have already been in their host countries for a few days (two to Germany, one to Poland) and I am very jealous. I am so tired of thinking about Spain; just put me on a plane so I can live it, please? Okay, that sounded a bit whiny, but it's how I feel at the moment.

Today I received an email from my travel agent. Disappointing news. I have been hoping for my itinerary to come, but here is what I received . . .

[We (the travel agency) were] advised by the Spanish Government that as of the end July 2011, if you are under the age of 18 (or a minor), in order to begin the process of applying for your visa here in the US, you must first have an approval from the Spanish Government in Spain that allows you to apply for a visa. The documentation that explains this was sent to Rotary in Spain so that they are aware of this. As of today 11-August-2011, we are still awaiting this approval before your paperwork can even begin the process here in the US.

Your paperwork is already 100% complete and all we need is this approval/authorization.

My visa hasn't even been applied for? For those of you who have filled out a visa application under a time constraint, please, feel free to feel my pain. I thought I was doing good - I sent in my visa application and the many documents that were required with it about a month ago. It wasn't easy putting together all the paperwork for my visa so quickly, but we managed to do it. Now I find out, a month later, that we need permission to even apply for the visa that already takes 4-8 weeks to be processed. I'm not sure if "bureaucracy" is the proper term here (it sounds so negative - I'm not trying to rag on anyone's government; I just need to figure out how to get a visa!), but what I'm going through sure does remind me of talks about that catchy vocab from Mr. Scott's history class. Or was it Mr. Hill's? I don't know.

I do know that I will get to Spain. I will have the year of a lifetime, and will probably make friends for life. "No matter what, I will still go." Surely most to-be outbounders have thought that. It's like this: I know I'm going. Even through all this paperwork, or this agonizing wait or [insert youth exchange problem here], I am going to [insert country here]. Chill out, don't freak out - it'll work out. Hey, I kind of like that. Maybe I should write it on a note card to take around Spain. I make myself laugh; you really should imagine me typing this write now. I'm sure I look hysterical.

Anyways, today I went back-to-school shopping. Not personally, but more as moral support for my sister and brother. It was so weird not buying my school supplies and a first-day outfit. I did enjoy myself though. While the kiddies looked for backpacks and shoes, I relaxed in Barnes and Noble. I love sitting in there. I'm not sure if it's the smell of Starbucks or just enjoying watching people look at different books and feeling like you already know them by what books they read. But I like being that store. The last time I sat in B&N I skimmed over some books about Spain and Andalusia, but today I was in need of a good novel. I've made a list of books to bring to Spain, assuming that I will be reading a lot over there. I was looking for The Adoration of Jenna Fox, a  book near the top of my list, and in the process I found Thirteen Reasons Why, another book on my list. So, I thought, "Why not?" and started reading it. After 50 pages or so, I decided to buy it because shopping was over, time to go!,  and I could not put it down. In fact, I'm finishing this blog post (I actually started writing this post yesterday) because I needed a break from the book to process everything going on in it!

One of my friends who just arrived in Germany recently said in a blog post that reading helps keep her mind off homesickness, so I'm definitely planning on coming through with my reading list. For now though, I think I will get back to my book because I really do need to find out what happens next; it's pretty intense. Plus, reading helps to keep my mind off of Spain. Ah, there I go laughing at myself again.